no there isn't.

"ma'am, ive got a bad migraine.
ma'am ive got a bad headache."

no there's no bad migraine or bad headache.
it's either you're having a headache or not.

like no.
there's no bigger reason.
there's just one reason.

cliched. until cannot liaoz.

damn work.

bali and me.

there's this thing abt bali.
that i cant describe.

when i first went,
someone said, "you'll keep coming back".

its been 5 years now.
our relationship.

and i cant dont go.
i just cant help but keep coming back for more.

ive had it all.
my battle scars.
while being drag on a parasail.

fall off a surf board. uve got it.

the awesome sunsets.

beyond words.

and 2 days to my 6th bali trip.

im reminiscing.

year 2008. with damai and quin.

2009. with baby.

a/m. bali 2010.

b/m. bali 2011. queens.

and i cant wait for bali 2012.

time. where did you go.

This is unreal.

2011 went by in a flash.
I keep thinking of 2010 as last year.

I've got a new passport.
Hence the 5 year mark.

Of work.
of a new beginning 5 years ago.

How my hairstyle has change.

in 2007 it was short.

dun ask why were we even there.

of course memories of nation stadium.

which i will show to the younger generation.

oh the growing period.

was hell.

and then i snipped it.

went short. again.

just hoping it will grow long enough for the big day.

How my teeth has change!!

it was all over the place.

all over where i could find bread after a whole day.

den the whole braces process.

give me a million dollars.

i would never go through it again.

the day.

i took out my braces.

so Time, where did you go?
Why did you leave me here alone?
Wait, don't go so fast
I'm missing the moments as they pass

2011 was good.

ermm let me see.

2 short trips.

awesome as hell.

the year we went blue for raya.

and perfect combi for masquerade party.

the year was gone just like that.

with many, if not all of the memories to be remembered.

even if resolutions were not achieved,

i lost and found the happines in W.O.R.K.

and nope. i have nothing to complain about.

soon the 26 will turn 27.

and we look forward to a brand new year.

Yay many things this year.

So exciting. Loves.

You.

Train rides are good.
Gives me time. To myself.

Please. Counting down already.
Never mind that I'm not getting off.

Pass or fail.
Me being me, I would be over the top.
I think.

So till then, it's practice practice.
Revisions after revision.

So this post is not abt me.

It's about you.

You drive me crazy.
Physically and emotionally.

I feel crazy. Just sitting on red seats.
Smiling and giggling like some teenage girls.

Put a thousand years on repeat.
And I feel like there's nothing greater.
Our undying love for each other.

You swept me off my feet.
With every gesture, small or big.

Baby u rock my world.
Nothing else matters.

More than words

Facebook ain't fun anymore.
Everyone gets a say in what I think.
Where I go and what not.

Here.
I get to say anything.

So here goes.
"gonna miss the camaradie of my course mates ".
Seriously.

I don't know half of the big words this world has to offer.
So please don't attempt to.
The 4 day grammar course cert.
Can throw away liaoz.

Im quite nice so here it is:
ca·ma·ra·de·rie
Noun:
Mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together.

I'm such an ass. Noted.

All these words.
My smart fiancé came up with this.
He's my fian-say. Hence he gets all the last say.

While I'm his fiancée.
So I'm here to just see and learn.

Grr. But I love him all the same.

Random thought as I'm stuck to the phone.
While seated on pink seats in the train.
To have fun riding around the circuit!!

Breathe and pray hard.
For I wanna ride so bad.
Come on December. Come already!

nothing-ness.

that's what this post is about.
that's what you're about.

you dont have to thank anyone.
for leaving your life.

she wished out.
way before goodbye.

or was there goodbye.
yup. the day she clicked un-friend.

chapter minah. closed.

the night the glass shines on us.

im sitting at this time.
in the airport at coffee bean.
with bb next to me sleeping.

i wasnt gonna blog.
till this auntie.
came shouting in chinese.
i usually understand chinese.
thanks to growing up watching chinese shows.

oh i remember convincing my dad how good it was.
cos the subtitles is in good english.

oh there she goes again.
so this auntie.

just shouts and shouts.
at god knows what.

and this ang moh man.

"wow late night entertainment in singapore".

and she went. and she came back, he said,

"one more time you're going on youtube.

so she came back just like a minute ago.
and he took a video.
it wasnt complete but im sure she will be back.

funny. how funny is life.

sometimes, just sometimes.
you wish you would not langgar people.
or have people langgar you.

but this is life.

do i then believe in karma.
i think so.

or rather i believe.
that god is great.
i dun have to take revenge.
or do to others what others do to me.

so baby say. let go.
means no grudges.
no hard feelings.

and you dont have worry abt your past.
or the people who have left you out of their life.
well they sure lost out.
but its not my problem anymore.

what matters is the future.
and the decisions you make today.

we made a decision to get a new camera btw.
awesome possum.

hello OLIVIA and friend.

or you can call her livvy.

livvy's test shots.

so i hope the auntie doesnt come back.
or she will be stomped i swear.

Sometimes I look at me now.
And I can't believe the words that come out of my mouth
The thoughts that run through my mind.
I could rant all day abt how unfair life is.

And if I had the choice to do some ED
My file and submission alone would give the investigators
Loads of work

Can't blame anyone.
For the reason some people are where they are now.

Seriously,
If you can't get your bloody arse to work.
Stay at home. Nurse your body well.
Should have ended up as nurses these people.

I'm 26. And I know what work is like.
You. You'll never learn.
If you can never be told.

I know there's a huge difference between one who listens,
And one who's a yes man.

And the difference is knowing whether you can change.

People tell us and many a times,
We say that's how I do it take it or leave it.

In a place where security is no 1.
There's no room for your way or mine.
There's only the way.

Yes you can choose whether you wanna go ops minded,
Or rehab minded.

But If you can't do either.
Dun make life bloody hard for those whose passion for this,
Is bigger than yours.

And I'm no counsellor or psychologist.
If you think you have a problem,
Dude this is not your cup of tea.

People like this brings out negative auras at work.
And then you try to be bloody smart,
Push theblame to people who have been covering your ass.

Get a life already.
Or wait only you have a life.

Other people dun have children husbands to run to.
All they have time for is coming to work to cover days
Ur so busy with ur 2 life days.

Grow up Already.
Oh wait. Some are older than me.

So maybe you'll never grow up.
well sad for you.

Just leave.
Cos with or without you.
We can work.

Like some people ever said,
Thank you for coming to the show.

We dun need guests like you.

4 years on,
I'm so loving my job.

i read somewhere.

someone said.
its better to live a life of "oh well"
than to live a life of "what if".

i beg to differ.
i think no one should be living a life of "oh well".

true not everyone gets what they want.

why settle.

decisions adults make in life.
are scary at times.

because you settle.
some people end up homeless.

lets not even go there.

when you settle.
you don't try to find what's best.

My life ain't the most perfect.
Once upon a time I settled.
Like I knew there was always something better for me.

Well so until then, we'll just make do with what we have.
And then when we do.
The what ifs come in.

I would like to think it's scarier like that.
Cos you'll never stop looking.
Knowing something else will be better.

So my parents did that.
Look where it landed them.

They're living happily now.
Without each other.

Funny. I use to do what ifs.
Now I don't.

Except for my job.
Or my studies.

My life don't need any more what Ifs.

Why do people settle.
Peer pressure.
I dunno what else.

Deep in everyone's heart.
They have a list of wants.

Material we can be compromise.

Life partner.
I don't think we can.

So ya. I think no one should settle.
Wait till the one that's best for you.

Keep that list.
Cos someday. Someone.
Will fill it in like you wanted it too.

I've had my heart broken.
Regret. Not really.
Cos relationships make me learn.

*at this point I'm very disturbed
By this foreign guy speaking some foreign language
Real angrily.. Wonder what's he saying.

Back to what ifs.

How do you know someone's the one.
When you don't have any more what ifs.

When you don't go "oh well".

When you go and say, I want nothing more than you.

so whenever im at this very lonely place,
i get time to reflect on life.

its like the client should do it,
not me. but nevermind.

so i was thinking.
not reflecting so much.
i got my baby this present.

and i sat around thinking,
like how i wish i could tell him,
what it is.

the inmate was like triplefold more expensive,
but the look on your face when you finally see this,
would be priceless.

nope its not something you wear.
or use.

its for you to look at.

counting down. 9 days!

Ties that bind

funny cos i thought abt it.
only when i came out of the toilet.
cos im lonely. at this very point.

nope. i didnt break up or lose friends.

just in a place quite alone.

so it was thoughts about friends forever.

im not an angel.
people make mistakes.
sometimes time and again.

i sometimes lose focus.
when im in a happy place.

but den i get wake up calls.
and then my effort comes in.

this is the story of a girl.

i never doubted our friendship.
it was true to its truest.

but i was hurt. (yes i feel you friends)
like i was there for a lot.
and then you forget me.

and trying to be me is another story.
or that you were hypocritical.

sometimes i wish i knew to why you let love happen.
im not anyone to ask.
was it the money or was it the sincerity.
to me, till today i felt it was the money.
and the peer pressure.

i mean i would honestly be happy if was sincerity.
you dont love a person back cos he gives you money.
thats for sure right?
 
being a virgin. was bullshit.
i still think it is.
cos for some other,
i had doubts since then.

cos im naive.
but im not stupid.
but if you want to stick to it, by all means.
true friends tell anyway.

so, if you wanted to let it happen,
it would, i would like to think the choice is yours.
any guy would respect any girl for that, right?

sorry if you ever read this.

but i figured.
after you became someone else's wife.
that all i wanted or needed to hear,
was that you still want us as friends.

that you were sorry for forgetting.
that you want to make an effort to work things out.

i didnt want to hear crap.
or excuses.
or nonsensical reasons to why we didnt meet.
or to why you forgot.

i just wanted an apology.
i just wanted to be sure.
that you wanted this friendship too.

so the apology didnt happen.
do i miss you.
i dunno. maybe sometimes.

when i do. i think of things that make me angry.
to why it didnt work out. to why it seem you didnt want it too.
to crappy reasons im obligated to believe.

so i just thought abt it.
it takes 2 hands to clap.

you stopped first.
or whoever did.

sometimes, in a lil corner.
i wished it was otherwise.